Mediation, like Communism, sometimes looks better on paper…

So I was asked today if I would agree to a formal mediation regarding the Fundi Feri Woman. (I guess she didn’t like my response to her email.) She apparently contacted a third party who then contacted me with the request. I thought about what that would mean, and what purpose it might serve. After giving it some thought I decided that I was not interested. I have no intention of having a relationship with this person so what’s the point? Since my goal is to have nothing to do with her (and I would actually prefer to never even think of her again, if possible) I fail to see how a meditation would be a fruitful thing for me. I also find that it is useless to engage a crazy person, so I sincerely doubt it would do anything other than waste my energy. Oh sure, it looks good on paper, and maybe if this person were in my coven, or another social circle that I was a part of then I might see the value in it. But I must also question her motivations behind the request. I can only conclude that it was likely a political one. Now she can say, “Well, I tried! But he isn’t interested in working it out!” That’s fine. I find myself not caring what the Fundi faction thinks anymore. I have heard from so many Feri initiates that we are not really a “community” anyway so to what end could said mediation serve? I said my piece. I’m done. I left the initiates-only list just after my last post here so I need not engage the toxicity there anymore either. That’s OK… all the people that I really have a connection with from there I seem to have connections with elsewhere too.

My own teacher did not engage the Feri community pretty much as a matter of principal. Now I am beginning to see why.

I have some more thoughts about the issues that are a part of this particular conflict. I think those issues are worthy ones to address. I will likely post to that end later. For now I’m just feeling rather free.

**EDIT: It looks like I jumped to an erroneous conclusion about her motivations for asking for the mediation. Thank you Elfwreck for pointing that out to me. It doesn’t change my mind about it, but it is nice to know that it wasn’t a manipulative ploy.

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13 responses to “Mediation, like Communism, sometimes looks better on paper…

  1. Storm, I think all of the Traditions go through this from time to time. The Minoans do, the Gards do, and I’m not surprised that the Feri do. As monkeys, we are wired in our interpersonal dealings to respond to cues like body language, speech patterns and tonality, none of which are available to us under normal circumastances online. This has the potential to blow up small misunderstandings into huge ones. The fact is that we have no control of who gets into our Traditions from a distance, and with distance comes unfamiliarity. Its easy to discount people who we don’t know or understand. And, let’s face it, as nice as we hope our fellow initiates will be, there just are assholes in the world who don’t play nice with others for whatever reason. I think you ARE correct in cutting loose from any entanglements with this person. Sorry that it means you lose some contact with the greater society to which you belong, though.

  2. Hooray for feeling free!!!!
    Sometime when we finally meet in person, ask about the discussion I had with Raven Grimassi regarding much the same issue as you have had. I think you’ll get a chuckle out of it.

  3. I support you.
    I’m speaking as your husband, whose job includes protecting you against insane assholes, and as a Feri initiate. Religion and religious fellowship can be healthy when they are helping you evolve or serving some positive purpose in your life, but when they lead to as much nastiness as I have seen flung at you over the last few years in Feri then the best thing to do is to seperate yourself from that element. I should have pulled you away from that environment a while ago, and I am sorry if I failed in that responsibility. I’ve watched Feri fundamentalists attack your teaching, heard others blame you for the sexual abuse you endured and so courageously spoke out against, and learned that the hexing done to you was just one instance in a long history of Feri’s magickally attacking one another. I’m done with such bullshit and those who perpetuate it. I am relieved that you have come to the same place.
    You will be an even better warlock and teacher without all the negativity present in Feri culture.

  4. She asked for mediation because I suggested it.
    I had a fairly long reply written, and scratched it. My thoughts are all tangled, and I suppose there’s no real point in mentioning them.

  5. You did the right thing. There’s nothing to mediate. Sigh – Feri fundamentalists. The mere idea makes me sad. I guess there’s no escaping it. It’s almost enough to make one become an atheist.
    Almost. πŸ˜‰

  6. I don’t think that’s….helpful. was talking in my LJ about there being a willingness or intention to work things out, even when people aren’t exactly going about it the best way. I think that’s deeply important.
    Remember what you were saying about compassion? It’s easy to dismiss her as “crazy” just because she pissed you off. Easy, but not compassionate.
    **shrug** I’m the last person in the world to tell someone to engage with someone when they don’t want to, so I’m not.

    • I hear what you are saying, and if this had been my only run in with this person then I would wholeheartedly agree. But it’s not. It’s been something that I have seen “behind the scenes” for at least a couple of years now. She has been scathingly rude to both me and my partner on more than one occasion, mostly stemming from the “scandal” of two years ago. Her views have been increasingly (and dangerously) fundamentalist, or at least they have been made increasingly more clear. I don’t think she’s crazy because of this conflict. I have met with her and talked with her over the years and it is a view that I have always held, actually. Normally she’s “good crazy” and I like that. Occasionally she’s not. Either way I have found engaging her to be fruitless on almost every occasion. I draw my conclusion from all these experiences.
      Ultimately I have been told so many times that a Feri community doesn’t exist then it makes me question what purpose mediation would serve. The *only* reason I could see to do it is simply to look good in the eyes of community members… and whether there’s is a community or not that’s not a good motivator for me. It wouldn’t be real. And *that* would show a lack of compassion. My compassion in this is fierce, but present. I will speak my mind, and keep my power. Her and I exchanged heated words. That’s fine. I meant them. But I wish her no ill. May she have peace and happiness and prosper. Just let her do it far away from me, please. πŸ˜‰
      I do appreciate you posting your views about this to me, though. Thank you for that.

      • Hmmmph. People say there’s no Feri community because if that’s true, they aren’t responsible to it, are they?
        I agree that looking good to others is not a good reason to do something. I treat people according to my notions of ethics because otherwise I’d think less of myself. It’s all about Pride πŸ™‚
        Why is the Iron Pentacle whacking us all over the head lately, individually and collectively, do you suppose?

      • I think the IP demands our attention because we need to constantly purify our relationship to it. This relationship only gets deeper over time, and I think if we choose to stay in the shallow end of our understanding of it then that is when we encounter some of our more colorful problems.
        In addition, I think there needs to be more Pearl Pentacle work done. I have said it for years: “Plenty of Iron, not enough Pearl!” πŸ˜‰ YMMV.

      • …I also think that a community exists if people choose to create it. And I’d rather choose to, personally. I can’t lead those horses to water, of course. But I tend to view other Feri trad people as my community until they prove otherwise.
        That isn’t meant as a reproach, mind you. You’re the only one who knows where your personal limit is with her.

      • I hear ya here… and I *do* want to have a healthy Feri community in my life. I just didn’t think that under the circumstances it was possible in a room with so many people whom I have rubbed the wrong way and who have rubbed me in kind. That’s OK, though… one is emerging in my life, and one that I hope will grow into something that can be shared by many others, as well.

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